Les Enfants Terribles
by Shade Mimir
Summary: Halloween fic! Young Liquid and Snake get ready to go trick or treating. May the powers above have mercy on the unsuspecting masses. WIP, AUish


Les Enfants Terribles

By Shade

A/N: So many facts are wrong in this fic it isn't even funny…well it's meant to be…but it certainly isn't accurate. Don't bother pointing out inaccuracies to me. I know they're there. This was actually written to make my boyfriend happy. So he can read something of mine without the fear of stumbling across yaoi. Consider this an AU fic. Solid and Liquid Snake were raised together and by the military for convenience's sake. In fact…you know what…? I'm just going to throw in anyone I damn well please? Ready? Here we go.

"A birdy…a kitty…a fanciful unicorn…a-" The scientist watched, puzzled as the blonde haired, blue eyed child she had been assigned to fled from the flash cards, screaming. "Hmm? Liquid!" She looked down at the flash cards herself "Goddamnit Snake!" She looked around the room warily. She listened for any unusual sounds over Liquid's sobs which soon proved impossible. "I should have never transferred. Les Enfants Terribles my ass. Satan spawn is more like it. 'Oh, let's give a couple of five-year-olds stealth training. That'll never come back to bite us in the ass!'" Talking to herself was a habit she'd been developing only recently. It seemed a great deal of the staff was picking up the habit these days. "Liquid! Shut up! Liquid! Liquid!…What was that…?" Everyone's favorite generic scientist stood up and looked to the shadows. Something had moved…She was sure of it…There it was again!

"…Snake…?" With all the suspense that had just built up she found herself marginally disappointed to be approached by a cardboard box.

"Yes?"

"Did you tamper with the inkblot cards again?"

"Yes."

"Well…" She floundered for a moment, trying to scold cardboard was more difficult than one would think. "Will you get out of the box…"

"No."

At a loss for word she watched the box slide to the other end of the room, hit a wall, back up, turn around, then repeat the process as Snake made his usual rounds. With a sigh she looked down to the cue cards. It was only a picture of a dog and she wasn't being paid to discipline the children.

"Come on Liquid." She shifted her attention to trying to coax the boy from the corner. "It was just a dog. Everyone loves puppies don't they?"

Another squeal and more tears from the corner "No." Said a voice from around her ankles and she made a kick at the box as it passed.

"Fine! Stay there!" She threw the cards down, sending them fluttering to the floor "See if I care! The Foxhound logo used to make sense before you! Does a fox have any place representing an organization called Foxhound! No, but of course we have to use the fox because the hound reduces our secret weapon to tears! _Snake get out from under the box!_" Her next kick did manage to flip the cardboard box over only to reveal nothing beneath it "Son of a-"

"CQC!"

She barely had time to react as someone tackled her at the waist, knocking her over and out as she hit the ground hard.

"Snake." Another scientist had opened the door just in time to witness the attack of his coworker "How many times have you been told not to scream out what you're going to do to the enemy _before _you attack. You loose the element of surprise."

Liquid had ventured from his corner to inspect the unconscious form of the female scientist. Snake glanced from the woman, to Liquid, then back to the male scientist indifferently "…When they do it on tv…"

"I don't care what they do on tv Snake. Never yell out your attack before you follow it through."

Liquid nodded "Only yell it out afterwards," He concluded sagely.

The male scientist was a bit more patient than his companion…but only just so…"No," He corrected calmly "That would alert the other enemies."

Snake looked to the woman again, tilting his head to the side as if trying to work something out.

Generic scientist number two was almost afraid to suggest he voice his question. He supposed it was his priority to aide the boys in their mental development and he really didn't have a choice in the matter "…What is it Snake…?"

"…If there are no guards to alert…"

With an exasperated sigh he waved his hand dismisively "No, not even if there are no guards to alert."

"Why?"

"Because there could still be guards else where,"

"Why?"

"Beca-…You know what Snake? You give away your position if you want to…"

"All right!" Snake grinned and waited exactly two seconds before shoving his brother to the ground "CQC!"

"Snake! Help your brother up." The older man suddenly shook his head, bending down to get the crying child himself "On second thought-" Liquid made a lunge to strangle Snake as he was lifted off his feet. Falling short he settled for a kick to the stomach. Snake, in turn, made swipe for Liquid. Soon enough both of them were screaming and kicking and being a general nuisance, not to mention the scientist had found himself caught between the two "Enough!" No change "Who wants to go trick or treating?"

Silence.

Snake and Liquid looked up hopefully "You said we couldn't go this year." After Liquid had made a point to destroy Snake's favorite toys Snake had in turn terrorized the other youth with a remote control helicopter. That had gone on for at least four hours before disrupting three vital scientific experiments, two weapons tests, and a training mission. Afterwards Snake had been punished, as was Liquid for provoking him, albeit he got the lighter sentence. Liquid had also ranted on about something Snake hadn't really listened to. He remembered the words 'vengence' and 'retribution' or at least something to that effect since he wasn't onehundrend percent sure what those words meant anyway.

"Well, I changed my mind."

"But we don't have costumes," Snake pointed out, watching this man warily in case he was lying to them.

"We'll find you something. Don't worry."

Half an hour later Snake and Liquid and at least four members of the Les Enfants Terribles project were on the job. Two had just finished getting Snake ready as the other two were trying to console Liquid who had once again fled to the corner, his face buried in a pillow this time. They were all relieved by the latter fact. It helped muffle the noise. "Come on Liquid, we're getting you a costume too."

"B-b-but I w-want to be B-Big Boss."

"Well you can't be," Snake adjusted his eyepatch "Give me another cig."

One of the scientists looked at Snake's outstretched hand and frowned "You've had four."

"Give me another ci-!"

"All right, here!" She handed Snake the package of candy cigars which he hastily stuffed into his pocket "You're a damn brat Snake."

"Why does he g-get to be called Snake?"

They looked to Liquid again who was still whining into the pillow "What?"

"Why don't I get to be called Snake?"

Snake glared in his brother's direction "You just want it because it's my name. You always want my stuff."

"It's not your name!" Liquid countered though he was still facing the corner "You're name is Solid!"

"Solid Snake." Snake corrected hastily.

"But I'm Liquid Snake. Why can't I be Snake!"

"Because snake's aren't liquid. Your name's dumb."

"I do not!" Liquid glared back at him now.

"You have a dumb name!"

"Do not!"

"DUMB NAME!"

Liquid made a dive off the bed and for his brother only to be caught by a quick reacting scientist "Quiet! Snake eat a cigar and shut up, Liquid, sit down. We'll get your costume together now."

Liquid sniffled, sitting down resignedly "…I want to be Big Boss…"

"We'll make you something even stronger than Big Boss. Okay?"

"Trick or treat!"

The decorated door opened and an older woman in a pointed witch's hat grinned down at the boys on her doorstep. Having lived in the residential area of the military base she recognized both "Oh Snake. You make an excellent Big Boss," She said, putting a generous handful of candy into his bag before looking to his brother "And Liquid you make an adorable…What are you now…A leftover?"

Liquid looked up at her in horror from beneath copious amounts of aluminum foil and wire hangers "I'm a Metal Gear!"

Snake stared after his brother as he ran off in tears then back to the woman in the door "…Can I have his candy…?"

Liquid usually kept running until he found a corner. Having found no corner in the great outdoors he kept running until he ran head long into another person. Liquid fell back and hit the ground, his breath knocked out of him for the moment. He blinked up at the canopy of trees and into the night sky until a face imposed itself between the two. "Who are you?" He queried the older man in the pirate hat. The man seemed about to answer but Liquid sat up and spoke again just in time to interrupt him "You look familiar."

"Tha-"

"I forget names a lot but that's probably because there are so many people around all the time. Do you live with a lot of people?"

"I-"

"I live with scientists and my brother Sn-_Solid_. His name is Solid but he won't admit it. Probably because Solid is a dumb name. I wouldn't want to use that name either. Do you think I would make a good Solid?"

"Y-"

"I don't think I would make a good Solid but I look more like a Snake than he does I think-"

"Will you shut up!"

Liquid stared at him for the longest time then suddenly took in a sharp breath.

"No! No, don't cry!" The man waved his hands "Come on, there's no need to cry. Don't you even recognize me?"

Liquid did see something vaguely familiar about the man, something recognizable. "…No…"

"I'm your twin brother!"

Liquid stared at him blankly "…You can't be five…"

"Of course I am! Is that not apparent?" The man drew himself up as if offended by such an accusation.

"But you've gotta be…like thirty…" Liquid pointed out, still seated on the ground "What's your name?"

"It's S-"

"Oh! I know!" Liquid grinned, delighted "It's Gas! Right! It's Gas!"

"…No…No actually it's-"

"Gas! Yeah, 'cause see I'm Liquid and Snake is Solid and so you have to be-" He gasped "Snake can't say my name is the dumbest anymore! Well, actually his name is pretty dumb. He's dumb too. I'm the smart one and I have better hair. At least I think I do. Do you think I have better hair? I'm cuter so I should get more candy tonight. Oh! Tonight is Halloween. Did you know that? I like Halloween. Once I had a cat and I named him Halloween but Snake wanted to call him Jose'. We ended up arguing about it and he got taken away. You know, cat's aren't as stretchy as you would think."

"…Are you finished…?" He took the silence as the affirmative and continued "My name is Solidus," He tried not to allow a pause in his words should Liquid try to make a contribution in the conversation. Liquid didn't say a word.

"Who are you?"

Solidus winced, looking over his shoulder just in time to find Snake approaching.


End file.
